Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
