is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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