yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
