we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.