i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU