i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Vodka?
Forever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
