He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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