So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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