I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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