my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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