you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
