there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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