She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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