remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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