I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
