You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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