do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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