i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
