No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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