Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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