Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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