That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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