Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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