After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
