i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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