he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
