pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
In America we eat man semen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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