Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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