Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
