About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
