she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
