wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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