About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
