If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
