she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
