I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
