??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish i was in the wii world.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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