he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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