Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
