How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
