Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Houston, we have a blender
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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