I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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