the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
