Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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