So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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