Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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