My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
