Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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