How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
