I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she told me i tasted like america
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
