I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
