i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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