Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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