I didn't shave. On purpose
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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