$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
