low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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