She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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