Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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