well I can't set my house on fire every night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Mom said you looked used
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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