i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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