Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't put those talents on a resume
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
