youre lurking in front of me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
