If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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