this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
