Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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