dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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