don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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