things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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