can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
