I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize