Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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