who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
