the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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