Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
