he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
