I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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